


Say and Spell

by BaaingTree



Category: Justice League International (Comics)
Genre: Christmas, Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition, F/M, Kissing, M/M, Magical Accidents, Mind Control, Mistletoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 09:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaaingTree/pseuds/BaaingTree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ted gets execrated, and no one can figure out how to shift it.  He'd be really annoyed, if the JLI weren't in the hands of a pretentious teenage supervillain calling himself the DM.  And, of course, it's Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Continuity-wise, this takes place in a mythical, apparently non-existent JLI era, where Booster's with the Conglomerate, Ted is with the League, Max is unshot, Ted is still battling his waist, and everyone's happy.

So, Ted's been execrated.  
  
Guy does not know this word.  Neither does Bea.  Ted takes a little pleasure out of knowing the word--but the fact is, he only knows it because he was a D&D nerd in college. (Briefly.  He wasn't very good at it.) Because of this dubious collegiate hobby, he knows that being execrated is not, actually, something naughty, but tantamount to being magically cursed.  
  
This on its own isn't too worrisome.  After all, Ted may not have been execrated before, per se, but he has been hexed and jinxed a few times, and cursed more times than he can count. (Some people would try and claim that being cursed by Guy Gardner is not in the same league as being hexed by Sistah Spooky.  They've never been subjected to Guy's vocabulary.) In all cases, the magical attacks have been obnoxious, yes, and in some cases, quite painful, but always temporary.  
  
After all, when you've got Dr. Fate around, there's really not much witchery to be afraid of.  The guy might be almost as pleasant as Batman without coffee, but you have to give him this much: when it comes to magic, he's a deus ex machina.  
  
Except Dr. Fate isn't available to un-execrate Ted; he's off... doing whatever it is Dr. Fate does.  Probably something that would give Stephen Hawking a terrible migraine.  So, since Booster Gold is headed that way on Conglomerate business anyway, he gives Ted a personal flight ticket to Zatanna--who Ted likes better anyway.  Maybe it's being around General Glory, Guy Gardner, and Orion all the time, but he's got to appreciate someone who doesn't drive him crazy.  Or maybe it's just the fishnets.  
  
Zatanna is the only person besides J'onn to NOT laugh her ass off at Ted's condition.  And even J'onn smiled.  However, that's not because she doesn't find it funny.  No, Zatanna finds it WORRYING, which is far worse.  
  
See, apparently an execration is a lot worse than being jinxed, hexed, or cursed, and despite all Zatanna's various knowledge of magic, she is unable to undo an execration.  
  
"Well, see, normally I COULD," Zatanna explains, in response to the incredulously raised eyebrows. "But this isn't just an execration; that would be bad enough.  This is a do-it-yourself execration, by a seriously troubled, quite talented--"  
  
"--High school student?" Booster finishes.  
  
Exactly.  Like it's not bad enough that Ted's execrated, and that he was execrated with a punch to the face and a, "Shut the fuck up!" No, it had to be done by some kid calling himself the DM who's read the Monster Manual one too many times.  
  
"Hey, how old were you when you joined the JLI?" Zatanna returns, holding a hand to her ear.  
  
Ted smirks.  Booster looks away with a grimace.  
  
Zatanna puts her hands on her hips. "Look, he has NO training, just raw talent, and in the magic business, that's dangerous stuff.  Everyone has their individual magical technique; I can't undo his work until I know his methodology."  
  
Ted opens his mouth.  
  
Zatanna shakes her head. "It's not D&D, Ted.  I checked right off, and that spell has a twenty-foot area effect in my Player's Handbook; this one only effects you.  He might've gotten the idea from it, but..."  
  
Ted sighs.  Well, there goes that idea.  But Zatanna plays D&D?  That has possibilities.  
  
"Well, if it's not that, then how long will it take for you to find out what it really is?" Booster asked doubtfully.  
  
Zatanna spread her hands. "No idea.  Undoing an execration is tricky in the best of times--I mean, the whole point is to make something that'll last for generations.  And this one is something the guy jury-rigged himself, which makes it all kinds of unpredictable.  If you're lucky, all those unpredictable parts will eventually clash with each other and it'll undo itself."  
  
Ted isn't entirely sure this explanation reassures him.  After all, Zatanna is WORRIED; if the execration was about to just fall apart, she wouldn't look worried.  
  
For once, Booster seems to reach the exact same conclusion, and he adds, "But... uh, Zatanna... if it's unpredictable... couldn't all those parts clash in a BAD way and, you know...?" Booster doesn't say anything, just makes a little mushroom cloud gesture with his hands.  
  
Zatanna gives them the most helpless, apologetic shrug Ted has ever seen.  And the JLI has had a LOT of events to shrug helplessly and apologetically over.  It's got the squinched-up eyes and pained grin and everything.  
  
"Well, um, I'd avoid magical phenomena, physical danger, and emotional situations for a while, Ted," She says, and when he tries to protest, adds, "I know, I know, superhero, it comes with the job, but I mean it.  Don't tempt fate.  Danger, magic, emotion.  Those are the quick and easy way to unhinge an execration."  
  
It's just as well that Booster groans for him.  If Ted could, he would, but the fact of the matter is, he can't.  He's been execrated with silence.  He's completely, utterly mute.  
  
The League's going to LOVE this.


	2. Chapter 2

Max doesn't want Ted at Headquarters.  Big surprise.  
  
"Look, Ted, I know you're otherwise in... er, fair physical shape, and in any other circumstance, trust me, I would be OVERJOYED to have you working for me and completely silent.  But I've shared words with Zatanna--"  
  
Oh no.  
  
"--says it's very unstable, that--"  
  
No.  No, no, no, NO.  
  
"She says that magic, physical danger, and intense emotional situations in particular could make it worse.  You could be a walking time bomb, Ted!  I simply can't take the risk of you... you know, blowing up--"  
  
HE'S NOT GOING TO BLOW UP, DAMMIT.  
  
Max can read neither lips nor minds, but he's not an idiot. "Ted, this is DANGEROUS.  I'm sorry, I know you're frustrated, but--"  
  
No, he DOESN'T know.  If Ted can't mooch around with the League, he's going to be stuck, at home, with no one to see and nothing to do.  Any other time of year, Ted could keep himself entertained (that's what inventing, Super Mario 2, and porn are for), but this close to Christmas, he knows exactly what he'll do stuck home, alone, stressed, and depressed.  
  
Ted is conscious of his dignity, but he is also conscious of feeling like he's been diagnosed with terminal laryngitis.  He throws himself at Max and begs for mercy.  He'll do monitor duty, he'll scrub the floors, whatever, but he HAS TO STAY.  
  
Max sighs. "Okay, okay, fine, you can stay, for God's sake, get off your knees.  You're embarrassing me, and you're scuffing my floor."  
  
Ted jumps up immediately.  SAVED!  
  
As Ted dances out the door, Max shouts after him, "And don't you DARE get into a combat situation!  You are not an active member of the League, you got me?  You are strictly a civilian with bad fashion sense!"  
  
Ted gives him an A-OK symbol but otherwise completely ignores him.  It's the League, after all.  He's positive a disaster will happen any minute now.

 

*    *    *

  
Being a mute superhero is just as bad as being a mute head of industry.  Ted wonders how on earth that Jericho guy does it.  
  
All the bad guys have decided to take a holiday. (Except for the DM, who's still on the loose.  Naturally.) It is Christmas time, after all--prime time for the retail business, but the caped criminal element mostly slows down.  Supervillains, it seems, are not without a sense of holiday spirit, and this year, they seem willing to leave well enough alone till New Year.  
  
And so the Justice League finds itself loitering around headquarters waiting for something to happen.  While supervillains seem to stay home around Christmas, superheroes tend not to; it's possibly the most depressing holiday for someone whose profession places a high mortality rate upon family, friends, dates, and house pets.  Seriously, the only superhero Ted knows who HASN'T lost any family  or had them go evil is Dmitri, who's gone off to Moscow to play with his kids.  Orion and Lightray have also pleaded leave to stay with Barda, Scott, and Oberon.  
  
For everyone else, though, it's better to stay at work and hang around with the costumed family.  
  
Normally, the slow day wouldn't be a bad thing, but this time around, Ted really wishes some intergalactic traveling salesman would try and auction Earth or something.  It would mean the League has something better to do than enjoy Ted's silence and point it out, over and over and over.  By statistical inevitability, Tora is on monitor duty all day.  
  
Lucky Tora.  Unlucky Ted.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Ted?  Can I talk to you for a moment?"  
  
It seems Tora has finally gotten a break from monitor duty.  She has her hands behind her back, and when she sees Ted, her pout is so concerned that he feels embarrassed.  
  
"Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry."  
  
And she hugs him one-armed.  After a moment, Ted hugs her back.  He's a superhero, a genius, and a big boy; he can take care of himself, but he has to admit, it makes him feel better to be fussed over a little.  
  
"You can't talk at all?"  
  
Ted shakes his head.  
  
"Okay, that's what I heard, but..." Tora bites her lip, and then she takes Ted's hand and starts toting him to a broom closet.  
  
Ted starts feeling a bit dubious.  If it were anyone but Tora, about whom his feelings are as sweet and platonic as a baby seal, he would suspect something.  As it is, he just wonders what on earth she has to tell him that requires them to be in a broom closet.  
  
Once they're in the broom closet and Tora has nearly clobbered Ted in the nose turning on the light bulb, which somehow still works, she takes her hand out from behind her back.  They're surrounded by dust and Ted can feel a mop handle digging into his back, but when he sees what she's holding, he stops fidgeting.  
  
Ted squints.  Is that a...?  
  
As he watches, Tora pushes a few buttons, and the glowing blue letters appear on the screen.  A moment later, a tinny voice declares, "Hello."  
  
Tora smiles. "It's a Say & Spell," she says, mistaking Ted's blank stare for lack of recognition. "I... I used it when I was first learning to read English.  And I thought..." She looks embarrassed and presses it into his hands. "It'll let you talk a little bit, maybe?  I didn't want to do it outside; I was worried it might embarrass you..."  
  
Ted knows that if he's walking around with a Say & Spell, the JLI will go right back to ribbing him.  He also knows that Tora is trying to help.  
  
Tora's English is so good that Ted forgets that she hasn't known it for all that long.  He imagines her trying to figure it out.  Struggling over English with a children's toy.  He imagines how frustrating is must have been, and how embarrassing.  He remembers how she still sounds Germanic for split instants and catches herself.  
  
So he takes the Say & Spell, and he hugs her thank you, and she beams the beautiful smile that makes him realize why Guy hasn't gotten it in him to drive her completely off yet.  He mouths, "Thank you," then smacks himself in the forehead and uses the Say & Spell for it, which just makes her happier.  
  
"Okay, I have to go back to monitor duty.  I hope you feel better soon, Ted." Like he's sick. "Merry Christmas!"  
  
Then she goes and skips out the door.  
  
When Ted leaves the closet, it is statistically inevitable that the first person he sees is Guy.  
  
"Hey, nice toy," Guy says, "did your mommy get it for you for Christmas?"  
  
A shimmering green bulldozer nearly pulverizes him, but it's worth it to use Tora's gift to say, "Screw you, Gardner."


	4. Chapter 4

Pretty soon, everyone is thoroughly sick of Ted's newfound ability to speak. (Even though he sounds a bit like L-Ron and a bit like Sir Stephen Hawking.  ESPECIALLY because he sounds a bit like L-Ron and a bit like Sir Stephen Hawking.) With nobody to bother and nobody bothering him, Ted settles down to play with the Say & Spell's programming.  Within half an hour, he's managed to jury-rig a predictive text program, set it to speak at any given time, and pre-program some useful set phrases into it, such as, "yes, Lord Maxwell," "thank you, Ice," and "screw you, Gardner." He's also discovered the art of skillfully applied sonic errors and from that, improvised a three-minute techno, though the sound makes Liberty cower under the sofa.  
  
It's been way too long since Ted has honestly tinkered with something.  He confesses to himself that Tora's present is giving him more entertainment than he ever would've bargained on.  He wonders if he can find a way to apply this to Kord Industries...  
  
The Headquarters rarely used intercom system comes on with a squeal.  After a moment, Max's voice declares, "All active members of the Justice League, come to my office please, all active members."  
  
Ted makes a face.  As though Max couldn't make the phrase 'all ACTIVE members' any more obvious.  He must have just gotten a call, important enough to even tear Tora from monitor duty.  
  
One by one, the League files past the room Ted's in, heading to Max's office.  With the exception of J'onn, all of them look that special shade of confused/resigned that says, "I don't know what we're in trouble for, but I'm not surprised by it at all." Except for J'onn, who keeps rubbing his temple and frowning as though he's developing a headache.  At least Ted can safely say he is NOT the cause of it.  
  
A few minutes pass.  Ted continues toying with the Say & Spell.  He wonders if he can get it to speak French...  
  
It feels like someone's whacked him in the cerebellum with a baseball bat flaring in neon.  For a moment, he's utterly consumed with a desperate, compulsive need to GO UPSTAIRS, so strong it makes his legs tingle.  Ted actually almost drops his Say & Spell from the force of it, and he reels for a moment.  He's experienced Max's psychic "pushes" before; they're anything but subtle.  
  
He has to give them this, though.  They're damned effective.  Packed into that one baseball-bat-to-the-brain is a lot of desperation, and a very firm warning.  
  
Max is in deep trouble.  And though the push didn't include that, Ted knows that currently includes the League as well.  
  
Ted grabs his BB gun and runs up.

  
*    *    *

  
The elevator light shows that it's at the top floor, and it doesn't seem to be coming down.  On second thought, elevator sabotage shouldn't be that much of a surprise, but it makes Ted look at the twenty flights of stairs up and grimace.  For a moment, he wonders whether grabbing the Bug would save time; then he realizes that there's no question.  The Bug is a great machine... but it's not silent.  Whoever it is will hear him coming.  
  
He tries to put his thoughts in that special register that seems to get J'onn's attention. *J'onn?  J'onn, can you hear me?*  
  
No answer.  Ted's brain still feels empty.  He sighs.  It's too bad Max's connection is purely one-way, and not all that effective at info-dumping; he doesn't know whether he can afford to lose the time.  
  
As though triggered by the thought, he gets another psychic smack to the skull: he suddenly feels deathly afraid of the door to Max's office.  He wants nothing to do with it, because behind that door is something bad, something AWFUL, detritus from his worst nightmares--  
  
The urge fades.  Apparently Max will keep hammering information home in baseball-bat-sized whacks as long as he can, though as far as Ted knows, there's no way for Max to tell if Ted actually hears it or not.  
  
Ted still doesn't know what exactly has Max and the whole JLI penned in his office, but he does know now that it's not safe for him to come through Max's door, for whatever reason.  Maybe the villain booby-trapped it, maybe he's just paying attention, but Ted has to find another way in.  
  
Max's office has a view.  Ted could break through the window, but if the villain's at all intelligent, he'll know better than to leave a giant window unguarded.  Especially since he probably came through it himself.  Nowadays, Ted is about the ONLY hero who can't fly without a ship.  Dramatic entrances are all well and good, but not if they get Ted shot.  
  
Another option is the air ducts.  A tight squeeze for him nowadays, but still doable, and much less likely to get him killed than the window.  
  
Course decided, Ted takes off sprinting up the stairs.  Worming through air ducts will take longer, but so far, Max's messages haven't included anything particular in the way of "hurry." Hopefully, the villain has one hell of a monologue, or a plan that involves blackmailing world leaders and not killing everyone on Christmas.  
  
Go figure it's the one thing about the execration Ted DIDN'T think to worry about: he can't call for help.  He doesn't even consider using Tora's gift for it; nobody would take it seriously, and besides, he has plans for it.

  
*    *    *

  
Glory has been running Ted ragged, but it STILL takes him a few minutes to make it up all the stairs.  By the time he is, he's panting, has a stitch in his side, and decided that he needs to get himself a grappling hook.  To be fair, he thinks anyone who's not Kryptonian would feel the same way.  
  
Every couple minutes, Max gives him another whack to the head.  The intensity is starting to fade, probably from overuse.  Max normally completely ignores his powers, so trying to guide Ted with them can't be easy.  
  
Ted still doesn't know very much, though.  The whacks have told him that apparently this villain is of the monologuing variety, has a gun but isn't skilled with it, that the JLI aren't in immediate danger but it's still serious, and that for whatever reason, the danger seems to focus around Ice and Fire.  By the end, the messages are starting to come with a suggestion of urgency, which Ted interprets to mean, "Hurry up, Beetle!"  
  
Ted doesn't waste any time.  First, he takes Tora's Say and Spell, types a flurry of instructions, and places it at the door to Max's office, taking care to be silent.  Then he plucks a screwdriver from his belt, unscrews an air duct grate from the wall, jumps, and pulls himself in.  
  
He doesn't fit.  
  
Oh, damn it, not NOW.  Now is NOT the time for his weight problem to kill his teammates.  
  
Ted shucks his BB gun, his utility belt, laces his lumbar support belt an extra notch, sucks in his gut, and this time, he squeezes in.   Thank god he's not claustrophobic.  
  
It's been a while since Ted had to practice his air-duct-crawling skills, but he's done it in the recent enough past (to sneak a whoopee cushion into Max's then-locked office, in fact) for him to remember the layout.  Sometimes, a genius's memory is a great thing to have.  
  
Luckily, his execration actually makes being stealthy a little easier.  Ted can pant and wheeze without blowing his cover, and the squeezing through ducts only makes quiet sounds like the air conditioner is having a little trouble.  
  
All his crawling practice holds up.  It takes a fair amount of wriggling and writhing and makes his abs burn, but Ted makes it into the grate above Max's office.  He looks down.  
  
And groans voicelessly.  
  
It's the kid.  That pain-in-the-ass, d20-rolling, Beetle-execrating kid calling himself the DM and wearing a bulletproof vest with the words "INT 18/**" painted on it, currently dusted with shards of window glass from his dramatic entrance.  Apparently Ted hasn't had enough of him today.  
  
"You expect me to go easy on you because of the time of year?  Christmas isn't a holiday.  It's a celebration of modern materialism, of the brain-dead sheep of humanity!  You, sir, are a cretin of utmost degree, if you expect me to show you mercy because of a stupid number on the calendar!  It was totally robbed from the pagan celebration of fertility anyway!"  
  
He doesn't look much like a supervillain.  Actually, he looks a bit like a teenage Ted, if Ted had been into pentagrams and had no sense of personal hygiene.  Physically, he shouldn't be a problem to overpower; the issue is the magic, which has so far silenced Ted, and apparently blocked J'onn's telepathy.  
  
Ted can't kick through an air duct grate, not without a couple spare seconds, and he doubts his execration is enough to make that stealthy.  The screws are on the outside, so this will require careful timing, not to mention good leverage.  As Ted silently wriggles into position, he glances down at his teammates, trying to learn more.  
  
Max is at his desk, and he looks a little pale, though whether it's because he has the DM's .45 to his head or because he's bled an impressive amount on his white shirt is up for grabs.  Overusing his powers seems to have taken a good chunk out of him, and not just in blood volume.  
  
General Glory and J'onn share identical expressions of steely-eyed determination, though Glory betrays a little worry.  J'onn, swathed in his blue cape and face unreadable, has his hands out in the archetypal negotiation pose.  
  
"I understand your frustration; these customs aren't mine.  I only want to know your demands, so I can--"  
  
"Demands?" The DM shrieks. "You think I have DEMANDS?  You're nothing but an idiot bulldog of the masses in a Speedo; I don't expect YOU to have anything useful for me.  I am the DM!  With my magic, I can restructure the world as I see fit, in a cleaner, pagan vision!  I don't even need EXPERIENCE LEVELS!"  
  
Guy looks worst of the team.  He's never been any good at keeping emotions off his face, and right now, his expression is one of rage and fear.  His ring, even though it's on the DM's hand and a good few feet away, is spitting shards of green energy.  
  
As for Bea and Tora, they aren't doing or saying anything.  The DM has his free hand, the one with Guy's ring, gripping Tora's upper arm possessively.  Both her and Bea have blank, glazed looks on their faces, and unnaturally slumped postures, like they're catatonic.  As he speaks, the DM hauls Tora close to him--too close to him--and pinches her cheek.  
  
"I mean, look at this, LOOK AT THIS, you call this a superhero?  She looks like a goddamn porn st--"  
  
Ted's in position.  Now all he needs is that distraction, and any second now...  
  
He gets more than he bargained.  First, Guy roars, "YOU LET GO OF HER!" and lunges.  Then Ted's Say & Spell starts shrieking Ted's homemade techno at top volume, which grabs the DM's attention.  
  
At this point, everyone starts moving, and all hell breaks loose.  
  
The DM, who's apparently not much for grace under fire, shrieks, "What the fuck is this shit?" and takes the gun away from Max's head to start shooting through the door.  
  
The JLI women jerk upright like puppets whose strings have been yanked.  Ice sends a hailstorm at Guy, blasting him against the wall and freezing him to it.  Bea shoots a gout of fire at J'onn, who blocks it with his cape and then sheds it before the flames reach him.  
  
Glory goes for the DM, only to be blocked by Ice.  
  
Ted breaks through the air duct.  
  
Oh, and Max jumps up, grabs his chair, and goes for the DM with it.  
  
Ice and Bea, apparently under brain-control or whatever Execration of the Week, focus on J'onn and Glory.  The DM backhands Max and keeps firing at the door and the techno.  
  
That is, until Ted drops right on top of him, sends him to the floor, out cold.  
  
"Ta-da!" He tries to say, but nothing comes out.  He figures standing up with a touchdown sign does the job.  
  
Tora and Bea swing towards him.  
  
Ted immediately regrets his decision.  Now he's knocked out the only person who could--  
  
And then he has to start Beetle-rolling to avoid flames and snow.  
  
Guy, in the meantime, is trying to break out of the ice holding him to the wall. "DON'T HURT HER!" He shrieks.  
  
Glory yanks the Lantern ring from the DM's hand and tosses it to Guy, then tackles Bea around the knees.  
  
Ted is trying to scream, "Take them down, take them down!" but of course, nothing's coming out.  
  
It ends up being far more of a fight than Ted ever anticipated.  Of course, Guy doesn't want to attack Ice, and J'onn is trying to avoid Fire.  Max is trying to avoid all of them, but they're all stuck in his office, which isn't that big and isn't breaking open the way normal office buildings do.  They're ALL getting in each other's way.  Hell, even the DM's unconscious body is getting in the way.  
  
Also, there's the major problem at hand, which is: nobody wants to cause Tora or Ice any major damage, but they have no such compunction.  They're attacking everyone in sight.  And Guy isn't exactly shooting straight either, being too upset over Tora.  Ted catches a green boxing glove to the stomach at some point, and Guy heads off the mute indignation with, "Hey, you got padding, you can take it!"  
  
Oh, and the whole time, the Say & Spell is playing techno, which is somehow terribly inappropriate, because it is far too cheerful and manic for something like this.  Ted's regretting putting it on loop for his distraction tactic.  
  
For about ten minutes, everything in Ted's life is a chaos of fire and ice and office furniture and techno and, once, a collision with red, white, and blue, which makes Glory say, "pardon," before going on to clobber Bea in the stomach, with, "I'm sorry, madam, I never hit women, but..."  
  
Somewhere in the mayhem, Guy gets thrown into Ice, and they both crash to the ground.  
  
"Ice!  Icy!  It's me!"  
  
Oh no, what a time for Guy to crack.  
  
Ice blasts him with snow, but Guy deflects it with a shield.  
  
"Stop it, Icy!  Tora, stop!  It's okay!"  
  
Bea cracks Ted upside the head with an office chair, which makes an odd muffled whumping sound due to the execration.  Ted staggers, slips on half-melted ice on the floor, and falls down against Guy and Ice.  
  
Guy's face collides with Ice's, and for a moment, Guy looks shocked, and Ice reaches up to clobber him.  
  
Then there's a ZAP and a CRRACK, and Ted hears a humming in his ears, he feels something bubble in his throat.  He can feel the hairs on the back of his arms stand up as though hit with static electricity.  Too late, he remembers what Zatanna said about physical danger and stress...  
  
And then Ice says, "Guy?"  
  
Guy replies, "Um."  
  
Lucky for Guy, Bea blasts them both with fire, saving him from having to come up with something to say.  They're too busy shielding.  
  
Ted tries to scream, but no, apparently the crackling wasn't enough to break HIS execration.  Which is too bad, because he wants to inform the rest of the JLI of how to break one.  
  
He lucks out; J'onn hears his thoughts and says it for him. "Stress, danger, emotions!" He shouts. "Ted says that's what unravels the DM's magic."  
  
"Don't hurt Bea!" Tora cries.  
  
General Glory says, "Sorry, but--" and ducks a fireball.  
  
Of all people, GUY comes up with an answer. "Kiss her!"  
  
Nobody has the time to stare at him, but Ice shouts, "GUY!"  
  
"It's kissing!" Guy shouts, tearing off his jacket, which is currently on fire. "I kissed you and you woke up, and you're the icy one, right?  So you're the only one who can do it without getting burned!  Do it!"  
  
It's a shockingly intelligent thing for Guy to say, but it makes decent enough sense, so J'onn shouts, "Everyone, cover Ice!"  
  
Fire has been in spontaneous combustion mode the entire time.  Neither Ted nor J'onn can actually do anything to her, since they aren't fire proof, and Ted's short his BB gun.  Technically, Glory isn't fireproof either, but he seems to be at least slightly protected by his World War Two powers of wholesomeness or something.  
  
Ted and J'onn CAN distract, though, and that's exactly what they do.  Ted starts throwing office furniture, and J'onn morphs into a blinding mist around Bea.  Ice still can't get close enough until suddenly, despite not being hit, Bea staggers, her flames go out for a split second, and Tora grabs her and kisses her on the cheek.  
  
Ted feels another ZAP, another CRRACK, and the tingling and bubbling sensation is even stronger this time, the tension is stronger--  
  
Bea's hands stop flaming. "Tora?"  
  
Tora beams and hugs her.  
  
It seems a suiting way for a battle to end, at this time of year.  
  
Glory hefts the DM by the collar with one hand. "This troubled young man shall be headed straight to prison," he declares.  
  
J'onn nods. "You do that, and give Zatanna a call while we're at it." He surveys the room, which looks like it was hit by a hurricane but is miraculously still standing.  Then he nods. "Justice League, we did well."  
  
Guy clears his throat loud enough for passing birds to hear.  
  
J'onn is too dignified to sigh, but he looks as though he's considering it. "Good job, Guy."  
  
Guy smirks. "Yeah, I know, I'm a genius."  
  
Max crawls out from under his desk.  His hair is disheveled, his shirt looks like it's fresh from a horror movie, and it seems he's had a fresh nosebleed.  He is the only person who looks poorly.  
  
"You saved the day, Max," Tora says, and goes to hug him.  
  
Max nods. "Well, you know..." he says weakly, and then passes out on Tora.  
  
"Wuss," says Guy.


	5. Chapter 5

Considering the chaos and close quarters, there is remarkably little damage.  Max's office, reinforced after that time Scott drove the jet into the building, has only rudimentary fire and water damage.  The furniture is completely demolished, but that's about it.  
  
Nobody has sustained any horrific injuries: a few burns, bruises, and Max getting woozy from blood loss.  Tora and Bea seem no worse for the wear, except for lingering horror of having their minds controlled by an outside force.  Glory calls Zatanna, who magics herself over, and she gives the League women a clean bill of magical health.  She also promises to watch over the DM and make sure proper protective measures are taken.  The DM, who has regained consciousness by this time and been enclosed in one of Guy's green bubbles, eyes Zatanna balefully, and says something about the pornification of the modern woman.  He refuses to answer questions about his magic system.  
  
Ted, unfortunately, is still execrated, which Zatanna verifies.  However, he uses Tora's Say & Spell to explain the weird feelings he got when Tora and Bea's broke, finishing with, "Is it breaking?"  
  
"Hmm," Zatanna says. "I'm not sure I'd say BREAKING, but it does sound like your execration was under strain.  It might have been an area effect, combined with the stress." She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. "Didn't I tell you to stay home?"  
  
Ted pokes at the Say & Spell, then holds it up. "I tried."  
  
"Well... you don't seem to have come under any harm, far as I can tell, but then again, neither is the execration.  It might be under stress, but there's no indication of it caving in the next few moments, though of course, I could be wrong."  
  
Ted sighs with disappointment.  
  
For a moment, Zatanna looks at him appraisingly, stroking her chin.  Then she leans over and kisses him on the cheek.  
  
Ted's so surprised he tries to speak, but of course, it's only air.  Zatanna has her appraising look back.  
  
"Feel anything?"  
  
Ted shakes his head.  No bubbling, no burning, no electricity.  
  
"Ah well.  It was worth a shot.  If it helps any, now that the DM is in custody, I can get a handle on his magic system, probably have some ideas in a few days.  So it won't be long now; don't get discouraged."  
  
Ted blinks, then gestures at his cheek, then his lips with a grin.  She rolls her eyes and pats him on the cowl.  
  
"Nice try, Ted.  You're my friend, not my date.  Go celebrate dodging death, you dork.  Merry Christmas."  
  
Ted makes melodramatic expressions of disappointment, which makes her laugh.  Then he turns and shuffles off as though he will never get over the heartbreak.

  
*    *    *

  
Once Max regains consciousness, he sends Ted home.  Ted is neither surprised nor unhappy about this; after a hostage situation, he's not in the mood to hang around the League much longer.  Sure, he was asking for a disaster, but mind-control and fighting his own teammates tends to give him the creepy-crawlies.  
  
As he leaves with the Say & Spell under his arm, (he's grown rather attached to it) he notices Ice chasing Guy down the hall.  Guy's too agitated to try and pretend he's swaggering, not fleeing.  He even has his gloved hands over his ears, as though at any moment, he plans to start going, "Lalalala, I'm not listening!"  
  
Nobody's paying attention to Ted, so he stands back to watch the show.  
  
"Guy Gardner, I know what you did!" Ice is shouting.  
  
Guy's voice has hit the high-pitched whining range he gets when truly cornered. "It was an accident!  Beetle pushed me!  I didn't do nothing!"  
  
"That didn't FEEL like an accident!"  
  
"Whaddaya want from me, if ya want me in bed, you could just--"  
  
"Guy Gardner, don't you try and bully me away this time, I know what that meant!"  
  
"It didn't mean nothing!  It was an accident!" By this point, Guy is turning in circles to try and avoid seeing Tora's face.  Tora keeps orbiting him, like she's a odd satellite around Planet Guy.  
  
Tora grabs him by the shoulders and forces him to stop moving. She speaks quietly, but it's quiet enough in the hall that Ted can hear it. "I love you."  
  
He expects Guy to leer or come up with something appropriately boorish. Instead, his shoulders go slack.  Ted can't see his face at the current angle, but he does hear what he says, which is even quieter than Tora's: "Don't say that."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Say you like me, say you want me, just don't say that."  
  
Tora pauses; her expression is sad.  Then she reaches up and hugs him.  Guy freezes for a moment, then hugs her back.  
  
Ted feels like he's invading.  So he takes advantage of his execration and slinks off in silence, feeling a slight pang.  He still hasn't forgiven Guy for breaking his ribs that one time, but he feels oddly bad for him, like there's something important that he doesn't know and probably shouldn't.  
  
Better to leave it between them.


	6. Chapter 6

Ted comes home.  Ted sits on his couch.  
  
He looks at his Nintendo.  His computer, his arc welder, his whoopee cushions.  
  
Ted gets off the couch.  He picks up the Say & Spell and the phone.  
  
Ted calls Booster.  
  
Booster arrives.  He's wearing a horrific headband rigged so that it holds mistletoe over his head.  His sweater reads "Naughty AND Nice," and it has little Christmas lights on it, and it too is embroidered with mistletoe.  
  
It's just as well Ted can't speak.  He's not sure he could find the words.  As it is, he's pretty sure his expression says everything.  
  
"What?" Booster asks. "I've got holiday spirit."  
  
Ted takes another look at the sweater.  Since the Say & Spell isn't much good for questions, he raises an eyebrow and mouths, "Captain Marvel?"  
  
Booster smacks him. "No!  It was from Ice!  Shut up!"  
  
It's too bad the Say & Spell can't pull off a decent Bwa-HAH-ha, but Ted can still do the patented Guy Gardner "BOO YA" air-punch.  
  
Booster gives Ted a pointed look and a thumb's up. "I see you're sporting the corporate bum look again.  Very nice."  
  
Ted rolls his eyes and tugs at his bathrobe lapels.  It's not HIS fault it's comfortable.  Besides, it's striped red and white, which makes it totally Christmasy.  
  
"So, what's up?  You wanting some company?  I know how Christmas gets you; it's almost as depressing for you as it is for me."  
  
Ted nods.  Booster understands; after all, he too has all his family dead and/or evil. (And/or not born yet.  Same thing, really.) He also holds up one finger: not JUST for company.  
  
"No?"  
  
Ted grins his best "mad scientist" grin, and holds up a book on neopaganism.  He imitates Booster's "you WANT this cheese-steak" wiggle.  
  
Booster groans. "Worst Christmas party EVER, Ted."  
  


*    *    *

  
  
"You're going about this all wrong," Booster declares.  
  
Ted looks up from his Player's Handbook.  Even though he knows Silence has an area effect up to twenty feet, it can't hurt to get some ideas.  
  
"Even I know how to break curses.  And the way Tora and Guy did it makes it obvious!"  
  
Ted can take a guess, but it's not something he really wants to think about.  Luckily, the Say & Spell is perfectly suited for monotone. "Kissing.  Tried it already."  
  
"Wait, you kissed someone?"  
  
Ted tries to pull on a look of staunch dignity, as though to say he's a charming, charismatic man, and that he's offended--OFFENDED--that Booster would doubt his kissability.  That he's currently spending a holiday in his bathrobe and hasn't had a date in... a while... doesn't mean a thing.  Not.  A.  Thing.  
  
"Who?"  
  
The Say & Spell, for the record, can not pronounce 'Zatanna' worth a damn.  
  
Booster's mouth opens wide with envy. "You lucky bastard!"  
  
"It didn't work," Ted points out.  
  
"But still!  I've tried to get her to kiss me for MONTHS, and you just get it?  Man, I have to get myself cursed." Then Booster eyes Ted again. "Then again, maybe not."  
  
Ted rolls his eyes.  He has to admit, a silent Booster has possibilities.  He'd love to see him hawk Booster-O's in mime.  
  
"Come on, Ted.  You know it's not the kiss.  It's the love!"  
  
Ted can't groan, but he tries, shaking his head.  That's EXACTLY the conclusion he didn't want to come to.  
  
Booster mistakes the reason. "Don't give me that, I mean it!  Snow White: love's first kiss.  Sleeping Beauty: love's first kiss.  Little Mermaid: love's first kiss!" Booster pauses. "Actually, this is a bit like Little Mermaid, isn't it?" He breaks into a surprisingly on-key tenor: "'You have your looks!  Your pretty face!  And DON'T underestimate the importance of BODY LANGUAGE, ha!'" The last sentence comes accompanied with a hip roll that does interesting things to Ted's circulation.  
  
Ted tries to blink as expressively as he can.  Looks like Booster's been watching Disney movies with Tora and General Glory again.  
  
It does make a delirious sort of sense, even if Ted doesn't like it.  He thinks of the DM, frothing at the mouth about Christmas as a symbol of humanity's depravity.  That someone like that would use love as a curse-breaker... and that GUY would be able to utilize it... well, that's irony for you.  
  
But then he thinks of something.  
  
"Can't be," he says and spells, "Tora kissed Bea."  
  
Booster raises an eyebrow at Ted and tilts his head as though to say, "You're not really that stupid, are you?"  
  
Ted blinks.  
  
"Look, they're best friends.  They can love each other.  Hell, I love you--"  
  
Stunned, Ted jerks his head up, and for once, Booster looks put out.  
  
"Come on!  You can love somebody in a totally platonic, not-gay kind of way..."  
  
Ted is so glad he hacked the Say & Spell's programming.  It means he can hold it up and make it say, "gay," on loop without typing it more than once.  If someone can think of a better way to use genius, he'd like to hear it.  
  
"Stop that!  You're like a brother to me, Ted--"  
  
Oh, well, that's different.  Ted changes the Say & Spell's loop input to "incest."  
  
"Come on, I'm serious here.  Really.  Cut it out." Booster sounds honestly wounded now.  
  
Ted sighs and breaks the Say & Spell loop.  He avoids Booster's eyes.  Booster is easy to deal with as long as he stays light and casual.  Once he actually betrays a sign of seriousness, it gets much harder.  
  
"I figured you KNEW, Ted.  Honestly.  And you're looking at me like I just told you I threw up on your favorite pleather newsboy hat."  
  
Ted hadn't realized his expression was that bad.  He starts to type in, "I don't wear those anymore," but then he sees Booster's face and decides that now is the time to stay silent.  
  
"It's just a kiss, okay, it can be... a manly platonic thing.  Like in France!"  
  
Ted remembers France.  He also remembers sitting under the Eiffel Tower with Booster and a glass of wine... right up until the guy tried to hit on the French liaison of the JLI.  
  
The thing is, it isn't the love that bothers him, per se.  Though it's never been explicitly stated, Booster and him have been friends long enough, and been through enough, that the feeling is there.  The problem comes with the whole "manly platonic thing."  
  
It's not that kissing Booster would be bad.  It's that it might be entirely too good to be okay.  After all, it's one thing to have it as a quiet fantasy in his head; that's harmless, easy to explain away by a bit of loneliness and sexual frustration.  It's another to have the flesh and blood reality in front of him, wearing a cheesy mistletoe headband and a sweater that doesn't fit but he'll wear because it was a present.  He's not wearing his really, really tight pants, and he's not trying to be slick, and that makes him far, far too appealing.  And THAT is a problem.  
  
Apparently Ted's face is pretty easy to read on some things, anyway, because Booster slaps on his cheesy "I don't think about the connotations of what I say" grin that he uses for ad campaigns, points at his headband and says, "C'mon.  It might be a Christmas miracle!  You don't wanna deny yourself a Christmas miracle, do you?"  
  
If Ted is this obviously uncomfortable, he feels bad for making Booster try to put him at ease with cheesy sayings.  He waves his hand, trying to give off the impression that it's okay, but he can tell it comes off more as, "Just get it over with."  
  
Booster leans forward and kisses him on the cheek.  Quickly, lightly, maybe not particularly manly by American standard, but it certainly FEELS platonic.  
  
Ted fidgets.  He feels nothing but self-consciousness... and slight disappointment.  He's fantasized about kissing Booster for ages, but not like this.  It feels so stiff.  So... CONTRIVED.  
  
Booster looks at him. "Well?  Did it work?"  
  
Though he already has a good idea, Ted opens his mouth and tries to speak, just in case.  When nothing happens, he shakes his head.  Then he punches the couch, which makes an odd, puffy noise, like dropping a chalkboard eraser.  
  
Booster looks deflated. "Maybe the love has to be reciprocal or something..."  
  
Okay, Ted's got issues, but even he won't let Booster get away with that.  He touches Booster's shoulder and shakes his head, which at least gets the deflated look off Booster's face, leaving the perplexed one.  
  
"I don't get it," he says, slumping on Ted's sofa. "It seemed so obvious... Guy and Tora, Tora and Bea..."  
  
Yes, it did.  Ted reclaims the Say & Spell. "I can wait f--"  
  
But Booster speaks right over it. "No, I'm annoyed now!" He slumps and buries his hands in his hair. "It HAS to work!  What else could it possibly be?  Am I missing something here?  Do I not love you enough or something?  Maybe I'm not up in Tora's league, but I'm going to be really depressed if I can't do better than GUY..."  
  
Ted can't help but agree, but he's pretty stumped as to what else it could be.  
  
Booster stares at the rug for a minute or so, hands buried in his hair, a look of concentration on his face.  Ted doesn't expect any new ideas; last he checked, Booster wasn't much of a student in magic, either.  
  
Then Booster straightens up.  He looks Ted over appraisingly.  
  
Ted spreads his hands as though to say, "Yes...?"  
  
"I have an idea."  
  
Ted sits back to listen.  
  
"Like, you didn't exactly look like you were thinking about love at the moment.  I mean, it's one thing, the spell on Bea and Tora--that sounds like it was a different caliber of spell, just meant for the moment, not for generations.  So maybe they didn't need as much love--or as much FOCUS on love--for it to break.  Maybe yours is made of tougher stuff."  
  
That doesn't sound too unlikely.  
  
"So... how about we try again, and this time, we REALLY try to feel the love."  
  
Ted cringes and crosses his arms.  Okay, now this is just ASKING for disaster.  
  
"Come on, Ted, just think manly and platonic, manly and platonic!  No one has to know about this, I think it's worth a shot, you don't want to be mute until New Year's..."  
  
Ted sighs.  Booster shares Ted's habit of babbling when nervous.  Before he can really get going, Ted leans over and kisses him--not on the cheek, this time.  
  
It's supposed to just shut him up and get it over with.  He doesn't expect Booster to startle with an, "mph," then grab one of his bathrobe lapels to hold him in place, strong enough to give a shock down Ted's spine.  Ted pulls back for a moment, and they stare at each other.  Booster's still clinging to his bathrobe.  The mistletoe dangles over his head from the silly headband.  Ted flicks it, which makes it spin ludicrously.  
  
They both grin, and then Booster kisses him again.  This time, it isn't to shut anyone up or get it over with.  It feels good.  Booster's lips are soft, and he's a little unshaven, which is a nice change from his usual meticulous image.  It's also unquestionable; he's not resisting.  His fingers twist in Ted's lapel, and the other hand wraps around the back of his neck.  
  
"We should probably talk about this..." Booster whispers.  
  
Ted chuckles silently, and points to his mouth with a smile: can't.  Booster takes this as a suggestion to keep kissing, and Ted decides to get that stupid headband off so he can have better access to Booster's hair.  
  
This wasn't at all how Ted fantasized it would be.  Booster usually acts confident, too confident to be truly credible, but now he's hesitant, awkward.  It helps Ted to know he's not the only one without much clue to what he's doing.  Their position on the couch isn't comfortable, and requires a good amount of leaning and stretching, and Ted isn't entirely sure what to do with his hands; if he uses them, he's afraid he'll topple over, which would be embarrassing for someone who tumbles for a living.  
  
Booster breaks off and taps Ted's knee. "Here, turn here, we can--"  
  
Ted shifts, almost ends up kneeing Booster in the stomach by accident, but they squeeze around, until Booster's reclining back on the couch and Ted's bracing himself over him, not quite touching.  As Booster scoots back, he suddenly grimaces, reaches behind himself, and finds the Say & Spell.  Ted takes it away from him and tosses it away, where it bounces against a recliner.  
  
"There, better, now we don't have to--" Booster starts, but Ted doesn’t give him time to finish.  
  
For the first time, not being able to talk isn't driving Ted crazy.  For the moment, anyway, he seems to be able to say everything he wants with his mouth, voiceless or not.  Leaning on one elbow, he runs his hand over Booster's sweater (dear God, is that thing KNITTED?) which makes Booster gasp and twist in an intriguing way, and then Booster's arms are around him, resting hands on his hips.  
  
Booster pulls away with a gasp. "Ted, I have to tell you something." His voice sounds a little ragged.  
  
Ted can't growl, so he moves to Booster's neck and nips, which makes Booster's hips jerk up.  If what Booster has to say is anything close to 'stop,' he's going to be a very grumpy beetle.  
  
"Ted," Booster's voice is almost a whine, which at the moment sounds quite good. "Your bathrobe is hideous."  
  
Ted snorts against Booster's neck, which he can't hear but can definitely feel, and then he shakes with silent laughter against him for a moment.  
  
But Booster is shifting impatiently under him, tugging at the sides of the robe. "Come on.  It has Cheeto dust on it.  Please.  Take it off?"  
  
It occurs to Ted that Cheeto dust and beer stains have never bothered Booster before, and that this is getting a little into the "out of control" range, but they're both sober, and Ted's dressed under it, so he pauses for a moment to get up to his knees to pull it off.  He's aware of a sweet buzz on his nerves and a crackle on his spine, a thickness in his throat, but he's also aware of growing strain on his jeans, so he doesn't think about it until while he's tugging the robe off, Booster grins runs his hands up his shirt.  
  
The sensation on his stomach hits like lightning, and his, "OH!" is loud enough that Booster actually covers his mouth.  
  
“Hey!  You—“ Booster starts.  
  
"Sorry," Ted says his hand. "I thought I'd feel when it..."  
  
They look at each other.  They look down.  They manage to hold silence for maybe two seconds.  Then Ted snorts.  Booster giggles.  They break up laughing, and Booster flops back on the couch, clutching his sides.  
  
"Do you think Guy...?" He starts, but that makes Ted shriek in an unlikely key before dissolving back into laughter.  
  
Booster wraps his arms around Ted and pulls him down.  The couch, isn't quite made to be shared by two men of their size, but they somehow make it work, mainly by dangling an arm and a leg off the side or so.  
  
"Er," Ted finally says. "I guess I CAN talk about this now..."  
  
Booster pats his back. "Do you want to?"  
  
"...maybe when my blood flow is mostly back in my brain, buddy."  
  
Booster beams. "Deal.  We better... uh... take care of that then..."  
  
"Yes, I DO hate to be without my brain..."  
  
"Yessss.... your big bulbous brain..."  
  
Among other things, it comes out that Booster is wearing mistletoe boxers.  Ted breaks up laughing, then takes him up on it.

**Author's Note:**

> Done for boostlethon, waaaay back in 2009.


End file.
